“We did it as a goof, giggling when we first met at the bar,” says Julia, 24. “But after we realized how much the scenario was making the dynamic between us different, we quickly set the scene for some of the most memorable sex either of us has ever had. The role play allowed me to show a different side of myself that both of us enjoyed. We summon my inner hussy on a monthly basis now!”
5) Bring in a stranger.
If learning a kinkier sex act seems intimidating, adding an ‘unknown’ person to an otherwise vanilla bed can make things spicy. One of you arranges a stranger to join one evening to pleasure your blindfolded partner. “Tinder, Feeld, and FetLife are great resources for new recruits if you alter your bio. A properly-placed Reddit ad will allow you to pick from a large volume of applicants,” Procida says. “And if you have ‘those kinds of friends,’ you can always ask Jennifer if she wants to anonymously go down on your girlfriend with you.”
However, it’s necessary to communicate all of the boundaries with the soon-to-be blindfolded partner before you reach out to people, so you can then effectively communicate those with your special guest star. The blindfolded person’s comfort and safety is paramount. “It’s incredibly hot to get blindfolded alone in a room with your partner, feel an extra tongue or set of hands-on your body, then only see your partner in the room when the blindfold comes off!”
6) Use a frozen sex toy.
You don’t need to actually heat things up to make your bedroom hotter. “Get a good glass dildo or buttplug and place it in the freezer. Lightly drag it along your partner’s naked body, teasing it closer and closer to their genitals,” Procida suggests. “Work your way up to inserting the toy-it’s a pleasurable shock to the system!” Note: Try this with glass or stainless steel toys only (otherwise you’re likely to destroy your toy!).
7) Showboat for a stranger.
Threesomes or sex parties can be intimidating. A good way to ease into playing with others is to be watched by others. Arrange someone to come over and watch you and your lover get intimate. “Be very upfront and clear that this is a no touching situation,” Procida says. “Also give thought to how physically close you want them to be. Do you want them in an armchair in the corner sipping whiskey or do you want to be able to hear their heavy breathing right next to you? Are they allowed to touch themselves or not?”
There are numerous ways to arrange this type of threeway. You can even leave your hotel room door propped open, so the person you recruit can quietly come in, watch, and leave without disrupting your flow.
8) Block out all noise.
While blindfolds are the classic form of sensory deprivation when it comes to kink, earplugs (or noise-canceling headphones) provide yet another way one can be more submissive, relinquishing control to their partner.
“Not only can plugging your ears block out any distracting background noise, but you can use earplugs to tease and control a bound lover who becomes aroused by the sound or the thought of your sexy voice,” says We-Vibe sexpert and author of the Little Book of Kink, Dr. Jess O’Reilly. “As they watch your lips move and hear the muffled reverberations of your words, their hunger for your voice and your body will build to a whole new high.”